Rejoice People for We've Survived Yet Another Year

Read with caution: Bountiful cliches ahead. Curse whenever you spot one. 

It's the end of another (amazing?) year and the dawn of yet another (fabulous?) one. As someone reads this, I bet on my future Coach handbag that someone will explode with annoyance, intend to smack my moronic head, perhaps screaming to my face, "For a millionth and last time, it is a known fact, you do not have to write that in every single new year's articles!"


My, I'm still condoning the self-abusing activity. Oh well. Let's not digress and get back to the main point, which is....yes! 

New Year's Resolutions

 (roughly translates to: A list of not doing the guilty habitual activities that you can't refrain from committing and thus most likely will appear in future year's resolutions list) 

So, everyone should know the drill when a new year is about to hit. With the future just a few ticks away, our consciousness will probably begin to thread back to all of our done deeds in the past, in which their implications had brought us back to the present time. Been there, done that. While such self-reflection manner is similar with everyone else, it is the outcome of such action that differentiate us. 


For some, writing down NYR is merely a fun thing to do, with their full knowledge that none of the resolutions will be successfully fulfilled. Just for F.U.N y'all. Others might view NYR as something that signifies another opportunity to start afresh. These people are the ones who truly hold to the essence of NYR and will go all the way out to fulfill their resolutions. For individuals like me, 

NYR = A list of (Serious + Money-Preservation + Relationship + Monkey) Businesses

*If you don't have a clue about the aforementioned equation, don't fret. Because I bloody don't get it too* 

And so, I shall write down another list of my New Year's Resolutions. Here's the top 16. I'll be back in the future to check out which one , if any that I have successfully fulfilled. Fingers crossed. 

1. Get a perfect 4.0 CGPA, at least once.  (Future self, refrain from laughing)
2. Be more generous in giving out affectionate, albeit uncomfortable expressions. (Smacking people no longer count)
3. Be verbal in acknowledging my appreciation. 
4. Go on more dates. 
5. Attend at least one wild party. 
6. Be the first to initiate a conversation. 
7. Do less shopping. (Again, future self, don't laugh)
8. Learn how to speak Mandarin. (Brush up my Cantonese, at least)
9. Speak in perfect Tamil with granny for a full session. (without any help of translators)
10. Cook a full course meal, without activating the fire alarm. (Self, this is pretty tough)
11. Be more active. (Physically, not sexually)
12. Go for a thrill ride without screaming profanity expressions. 
13. Be more daring with make up. 
14. Involve in a volunteering session. 
15. Commit to at least one extreme activity. (Anything that doesn't involve sharks)
16. Get at least one tattoo. (oh yes!)

Everyone, stay safe. And, watch out for dangerous flying debris. I'll see you in the future. Hurrah for 2012!

When Boredom and Wanderlust Strike

Greetings to anyone who cares enough to be greeted. My apology in advance for I have been a slacker in churning out decent blogs these days/weeks/months/millennia. And for being such a lousy blogger, I shall beat the pulp out of myself (Assuming if I find such self-abusing activity even remotely interesting).

But first, perhaps I should clarify how I have been convincing myself that my trail of thoughts are now turning pathetically worthless to be decent conversation topics, let alone interesting enough to be blog about. I know. I know. Pessimism is really getting into me. 

Anyway, screw me being a pessimist. First of all, what's with all the numerous, repetitive posts on being somewhere fun clamoring my cheap attention in FB? I know. It's just the green-eyed beast within me who's complaining about the gayness of my friends who are apparently having the time of their lives in the States. And here I am stuck at home during the winter break.

To their credits (and to my shameful dismay), they totally deserved their awesome vacations traveling across the country because they bloody did not spent all their greens in purchasing totally unnecessary albeit nice stuff in the first place. As such, I totally deserved my reluctant self-imprisonment, staring begrudgingly at the culprits (clothes/handbags/shoes/accessories) that have gotten me here. Damn you fancy stuff!

But, all is well in fancy Maria Wang's land for there will be more breaks coming up after this. And maybe then, I will be financially prepared to leave home sweet home and prance around in some exotic places far, far away. Oh, I shall also consistently post my whereabouts in FB to annoy those sorry people who are stuck at home, diligently facing the site for it might be the most interesting thing for them to do. Which is exactly what I am doing at this very moment.

Cheers for the holidays!
Brace for the 2012 armageddon? *Touch wood*

T.G.I.F.

It's Friday! Yea, big deal. I used to love Fridays. A lot. Not anymore. Not really. Why?

Once upon time, (LOL) in a faraway land (ROFL). Fridays meant so much more than the end of another hectic, tiresome week. It signalled the pathway to a totally glorious weekend, in which I am not obligated to face all thing academics nor I will feel guilty for spending all day on my bed/couch/floor/bathtub (well, you get my point). Friday is the day for you to do anything that you want to, because no matter how crazy/ridiculous you get, the consequences of your action will not bear much significance on the next day. 

Situation 1: You get drunk. No worries because you got the whole day to soothe your hangover and to listen to your relentless complaints of "I'm never gonna drink again!" (yea, right)

Situation 2: You spent the whole night to catch up with your favorite shows. Ignoring your mountain-high pile of assignments/bills clamoring for your attention. No worries. Because Saturday and Sunday are coming to your rescue!

Or so we thought. Because most of the times, we will bring our leftover free spirit from Friday onto the weekend. And lo and behold, when Sunday's midnight comes, we'll go lunatic screaming "where's my weekend gone? I haven't done a crap and it's Monday already"! Ooh, do these situations seem all too familiar with anyone out there? 

Anyway, as I was saying, I used to love Fridays. Not anymore because my perception of time has changed. Time for me now seems to flies off the wall, so fast. Lord only knows why must it rush so bloody fast. One day it's Monday and the next thing you knew, it's already Friday. And poof! You find yourself cursing on another Monday morning. Again. And the cycle repeats itself. 

So, you can see why Fridays no longer lift my spirit up the way it used to do. And it's sad because I no longer have anything/any day to look forward too. And so, my life is officially in a rut. Pathetic considering I haven't make any decent commitment in my life yet. 

Oh well, this is my plight of mind on another "glorious" Friday. Reporting from "sunny" News Brunswick. Have a great weekend people. 

PS: Anyone with parties coming up, do call me. LOL

Peace out!

Ponder On This.

At times, all of us have to confront our inner demons. And  trust me, when that happens, it ain't gonna be pretty. Today, I did that. And this time, it was particularly tough for me because I am fending off a thought that I desperately want to forget about. And I think this goes to everyone out there. 

I have to confront the thought of losing someone I loved. 

Trust me, being so far away from my family and friends and be unwillingly stuck with this unkind thought really do make you feel sick to the core. You may ask me then, why the hell was I thinking about it in the first place? 

Well, I wish I could have a little more control on my mind and it's top secret operations within my head. But, yeah sadly, I just do not have the veto power to do that. It all started when a friend of mine told me that he had just lost his uncle. Cause of his demise? Exactly the one that my ... has right now. So, it really did hit a raw nerve. Try as I not to, I automatically imagine the same thing happening to ... And I honestly wish that I did not thought about it in the first place. Because by putting that thought in my head, I am this close of putting it out in the reality. And God forbids, if it really does happen. 

Sometimes, it is so much better to not think about such upsetting things. Everyone said Death is inevitable and all of us are bound to leave the world at some point of our lives. But, to say it out loud is one thing, to watch it happen to your loved ones is totally another thing. If I could have the power to do anything, I want to make my loved ones to live as long as they could. The question is how long is long enough for us? How long does your loved ones have to stay to make you feel satisfied? We would not know the answer because this kind of stuff is really not up to our allies. We wish it could, but Life's ain't fair. It's been said so many times, but we would only realize that if we are stuck in circumstances that forces us to ponder on it. 

What can we do then? Well, I would start to give my ... a call and tell him to take good care of his health, try to be strong and wait for me to come back home. Yes, I'll start to give all my loved ones one more call to let them know that Life's too precious, too darn short to be wasted away. Tell them that their health means so much more to the people around them. 

I am still trying to extract this unthinkable thought out from my head. But, I have to admit that by it occupying my mind in these short minutes, it really does gave me something to ponder on. And I really hope that everyone is in their best health right now. 

Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay strong. God bless us all. 

It's no rocket science. My dad rocks! (Part 2)

Most of us have the privilege to be loved by a father (and my heart goes to those who doesn't), for a father's love is entirely a different play of emotions compared to a mother's one. At least, it is to me. So, to say that I am damn lucky to have both kinds of love is probably an understatement. 

I do not always have this feeling of extreme love towards my dad. Most of the time, I am contented to just pay him worthy respect and obedience that a daughter should give. Sadly, this means he doesn't often get his much deserved affection and and expressions of love. And we both know the reason behind this lack display of affection. Yes, we both have big egos. And our egos can't stand hugs, kisses and I Love You's. Not always. 

My dad - Our pillar for Life

Now, how should I describe him? Well, I could start by telling you all of his virtues and go on for hours. But, I rather not. At least, not to that extent. I guess it should suffice that I tell you that he does own some flaws, but his goodness far outweighs that. His goodness far outweighs everything. 

At this moment (in which I am still in a contemplative state of mind), I'm mentally flipping through my memories of him, those prior of me coming to the States. And the one memory that finally comes to a sudden stand still in my head is the one of few hours before I depart. Hours that both of us thought would be aplenty to say our goodbyes, but because of Fate's playful game, we failed to do that. To say that I had a bad day before I board for my flight would be the most lenient term that I could settle with. Because you could only empathize me if you were in my shoes. In short, that day was certainly not a good day for any of us, not because I'm about to leave, but rather because how I left them. If given the chance, I would leave my loved ones, especially my dad, a proper day to remember of me leaving for abroad on my own, for the first time. I would not have left him, all exhausted for rushing me to catch my plane (damn you traffic, thunderstorm & stalled engine!). I would not have left him, all shocked for having me to leave so fast prior to my tentative flight time. Above all, I want more time to hug him a million more times. (One measly, rushed hug is so bloody unfair for both of us). 

Anyway, now that I'm finally here, those moments almost seem passe, insignificant. Because over here, things like that doesn't seem to matter. But, I do hope that both of us could bitch and moan about that, one day. Just for entertainment's sake. LOL.

Nothing beats my dad's laughter

Right now, all I could think of is how lucky I am to have a dad like him. Truly, I am. And to think back to those younger days of mine, when I used to moan about about his seemingly insignificant lectures and scoldings. I wish to  have those moments back. Times when he dares to give me a proper, authoritative reprimand. Now that I'm considered a proper lady, he chose to treat me as one. Not exactly terrible, but I am starting to lose the feeling of being his baby girl. But, I shall not complaint, because my dad knows what he's doing. He's done it all the time. All he needs is our trust on him to lead our lives in this world.  And here I am, trusting him for life. Love you, Papa. Counting the moments to see you back at home.

PS: I'm being good, and so must you.    

It's no rocket science. My dad rocks! (Part 1)

I was certainly expecting this moment. The moment where I'll hit my all time low. 

I mean, you're not gonna stay cheery and gay throughout your entire life right? Unless you have the penchant to view everything glass half-full, which tells me that you're either one heck of a liar or you're leading a rather  misleading life (no pun intended). At some moment, you have to somehow hit rock bottom to rise up successfully in life right? Anyway, that's just me. Feel free to stab your argument on that. 

So, here am I, thousand of miles from home, with nil chance to go home in the near future (I'm referring to a year time frame here). To claim that I'm lonely is not fair for my worthy companions that I have over here, but to say that I'm far from lonely is not fair for me. Simply put, it's not my domain here, and I desperately yearn  for my comfort nest once again, dutifully pray that I could have back that secure feeling of being nestled around my loved ones. 

What's ironic is that, I used to have this ambitious vision of mine to leave home as fast as I can to find a better place, just so I could flex my independent skills and be on my own, for the first time. I wanted so bad to see this other side of the world, and I did get what I wished for. But, I forgot to think about the consequences of that fervent prayer of mine. God granted my wish all right, but he did with his own intention, not mine. Perhaps, He wants me to realize that home is the better place, after all. Because no matter how beautiful another place might look like, no matter how lovely new friends might be, no matter what: it's your home that you can see your true self in. 

I can't wish that I hadn't ask for this opportunity to see the outside world. Because let's face it, I did found some magical moments while I'm here. Moments that I cannot possibly experience if I'm still enclosed in those safety perimeters of my nest. But, throughout all those good times, I instinctively thought back of home. *How Mama & Papa would love to see all the things that I'm seeing now. *How Koko would love to learn the things that I'm learning now. *How my sisters would kill for the stuff that I could get over here. Yes, it's hard to ignore them when I'm happy. 

But, it's impossible to not think about them when I'm far from happy. Because they keep me going. Particularly, my dad. Corny as this might sound, I think it's still apt to call him my one, true hero.  

Continued

When I Say Sisters, You Say Four!

So, it turns out that Monica WAS jealous that I wrote something concerning my besties the other day. "Where's the love for me, then?" Her Big Question, that is. 

I'm sorry, but I really didn't realize that you want me to write down how I felt about you. I thought you already know that well, concerning I've been living with you from the day you came out from Mama's womb. But, if that's what you insist, then it's my pleasure to write down something decent. 

PS: Decent doesn't necessarily denotes nice, just to be clear. LOL 

Now, where to start? Alright, how about this? I will miss you. Terribly. Though those words often came out from your mouth nowadays, you should realize that I have never say them back to you. So, here I am, writing it down. Because it's much easier for me this way. 

But, you should also know that by smacking you on the head is also my way of showing my love to you. Because, let's face it, you're the only who could stand the abuse without reporting my deed to Koko. Thank you, for that. Anyway, what else can I do for entertainment sake? Exactly, nothing much. 

So, I heard that you're gonna get your our room all for yourself, now that I'll be gone. Hmmph. Good for you. But, I'll tell you this, there's nothing fun in sleeping alone. Not for the first few days, anyway. Why, you ask? Well, mainly because you've got only the four walls to speak to. They're really a terrible listener. And yea, they won't bother to give you any reliable response. I've tried that. 

........ 

I stopped writing after this, because I've started to feel sleepy. But, rather than deleting the whole draft, I think it'll mean a whole lot if I continue where I've left of. So, here it goes.

.........

Now, that I'm finally here, those feelings still have not changed. I still miss you guys back home, and at times, when I find myself alone (listening to those sentimental, Tamil tunes), I felt this sudden urge to catch the next flight to Malaysia. Sadly, before that could happen, my rational side managed to remind me, rather harshly that I'm BROKE. 

At times, I managed to have a great time over here. Things that I can't possibly could do back home is rather natural over here. Stuff that are ridiculously pricey back home is surprisingly cheap over here. But those things still do not change the fact that nothing beats home, flaws and all. 

Now that I'm here, I try to NOT count the months leading to the day that I could finally go home. Because if I do that, I'll be smacked by this panic mode of mine. HELL, YEARS TO GO BEFORE I COULD SEE HOME. NOOOOOOOOO!  yes, that's what I'm talking about. 

Come to think of it, I've stopped writing my feelings about you, Moni. As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to crap. So, before I continue crapping, I should stop writing.

Parting words from me to you guys back home, I miss all of you terribly, and don't any of you ever dare to stop missing me! 

XOXO

This Morbid Thought Of Mine

Truth to be told, my mind and I do not get along very well. Because most of the times, General Mind loves to put unpleasant thoughts into my head, causing me to waste precious energy to fend off those pesky thoughts. Mind you, the action itself will usually intensify the presence of the morbid notions that I much rather forget about. 

As times goes by, I got better in warding off General Mind's sneaky attacks. Happy thoughts, clever distractions, these two have always worked. But, I am simply human. Sometimes, I just can't help but to entertain them. Now, I know better than to leave myself alone for a long period of time. And God forbid, if I ever catch myself watching another Final Destination movie, I would smack my head, hard.

Today, it happened again. I was caught off guard, when my mind wandered off into its uncharted territories yet again. By the time the thought took over, I was helpless but to ponder on it. Fast as a lightning, it got me thinking and here I am, writing about it.

If I Die Young
(Sing it, Band Of Perry) Wait. (I prefer you, Sam Tsui.)

If I die young, I would be one pissed ghost. Angry because I was robbed a chance to live longer. Regretful because I've not given time to fulfill more wishes of mine. Heartbroken because I've to go early before my loved ones, leaving them mourning for me. Yes, the degree of devastation that my early death could incur is too great that the thought itself is deemed unthinkable, much less unspeakable. Wait. Actually, I snickered a bit when I wrote this because I couldn't imagine myself as a ghost in the first place. Would I be an ugly one? That probably depends on the state of my corpse, I guess. Yo, what the hell am I thinking right now? 

*Automated machine: Please kindly retract those unmindful words of yours, unless you want to be lightning-struck in the next 23 hours. Thank you.*

Okay, fine! I will! Universe, I simply don't have the complete mind control, you know.

But, really, what would we look like after we're no longer, well, HUMAN. By definition we could not possibly look like a human, right? Ignoring both heaven and hell, I'm just going to focus on the concept of afterlife, and all the technicalities involved. Once again, the big question is, how will we look after we've become an afterlife beings? While it's obviously a question without an answer, there's no stopping me to come up with some constructive inputs, right?

I've read enough fiction novels to ponder on the idea of being recognized in the afterlife by our soul mate, loved ones and acquaintances from our previous lives. For those of the lucky people who pass on at the same state of life, good for you. But not many are that privileged. If one entity passed on at 30, how would he be able to find his partner who gone off at 60? Certainly, you wouldn't want to wait for ages to meet your mate, just to find him, wrinkled with age right? Not an option when you're at your prime age. Yes, not an option..........*Crap. My mind wanders off again.

Anyway, I could only remember until this. *Sigh. I'm just wasting my brain cells' energy at it, just to arrive at blank point. Tragic, but that's how my silly mind works.

My Not-So-Virgin Hair

I've finally done the deed. I've given my hair what it deserves after a pretty long drought of styling and all the chemical tortures that entail. Yup, another chemical process that was both so expected as well so sudden. People, I got my FIRST HAIR DYE!!! *giggle

See, I was pretty adamant that I should totally dye my hair prior leaving to the States. Call me whatever you want, but I crave for a fresh start, a new beginning to my college experience and I believe that a new hair job would totally fit the role. So true. At least, me think so. 

The outing with Miss Q began as usual with lunch at Crazy Ice Cream. Yes, CIC sells other stuff as well. So, we got our tummies totally stuffed with our Chicken Chop Set Lunch. She got Black Pepper and I got Brown. Yes, Brown. I thought it comes with a mushroom sauce but, it really doesn't taste like one. Come to think of it, I'm still uncertain what I ate actually. But, am I complaining? Totally unnecessary, considering it was pretty tasty. After lunch, we got back to the mall. I was supposed to assist, no persuade her to get her heels and sunnies, but I failed. Sorry again, eh?  And the highest point of the day came with a visit to THE salon. 

I was merely asking for the price for my hair job, you know doing comparison among all the competitors around the mall. When this persistent Ah Moi got me attracted to her offer. Yes, her service fee was quite reasonable but it was her rather aggressive approach that got me unable to say no. "You do it right now, or else I got no discount for you later. " I argued, "A few hours later?" "No way."

So, I did it. I accepted her offer. Mind you, it was pretty hard to decline her offer, considering she gave me nil option. Nada!

But, I was satisfied. I mean, thanks to her, I could finally execute my long overdue plan and subsequently, I could ticked off another task in my to-do list. *sigh. Therefore, today's outing was a pretty successful one. I got to meet Miss Q one, last time. I could also worry less about the discreetly declining chores of mine. 

Here's to more trips to the mall. Oh yes, my seventh sense go rather tingly nowadays. Hurrah on that. 

PS. While I realized that the change is not that obvious, I would like to clarify that it was my intention to make it that way. I think a rather subtle change of hair color is the best plan for now. Little by little, everyone! 

Ling & Ping. Magical Twins Effect You Guys Cast On Me.

Double Trouble. That is certainly NOT what I got from you guys. More like Double Happiness, I'd say. LOL.

So, you think only Miss Q could get all the love from me? No worries, for I got loads of L.O.V.E. to share with both of you. My heart is that big! hehe.

You're my best buddies too, you know. And I'm privileged enough for that. 

The Fab Five

Granted, we might not had a close relationship together during our primary school years. Man, I always thought that you two are some power twins or something. Nice to see, but don't touch. HAHA! Sorry, some joke I got there. :) 

But, you still can't deny it right? If not for secondary school, we would never be best pals. And I still thank my lucky star for that once in a lifetime chance. Man, what in the world would I do without you guys? *Sigh. Anyway, I just want to say this. I love you guys. I can't say this often because as you know, this blush-inducing, ego-offending L word is hard for me to say out loud. Alright, I'm shy with all this mushy words around you twins! *cringe.

As long as you guys understand and know that I heart you guys, very much, then that would suffice. In return, you don't have to say it out loud too (I'm talking to you, Ling!). Because, I can guess that there's plenty of love between us too. Wait, I guess correctly, right? Right? Anyway, I guess I should write on each of you one at a time. Kay. Here it goes. 

Ling, stay cool and cute, as always.

Chew Li Ling, my one of a kind class partner. Both in school and tuition (Still remember EA?). You. How long have I been sitting next to you, again? Man, I've never got bored of you, you know? Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better person to vent and listen to, every single school day. Thanks to you (I'm serious here), I've become a great listener. I'll do it all over again, if I could. Thanks again for making my school experience an interesting one. Hope I did the same to you too, dude ;)

I think the reason we clicked pretty well is because deep down, we're somewhat similar. Sudden whiplash of emo feelings? Check. Over-the-top laughter? Check. Penchant for profanity expressions? Check. Haha. Those are what I could think of right now. Oh wait! I got another one! Sarcasm! Loads of it! Check. And I love you for that, man. Really. Don't ever change who you are, because you're pretty amazing, just the way you are. I'm doing a Bruno Mars. LOL. Alright? 

Lastly, if there's one thing that I truly envy you for is that brash, say-what-it-is attitude of yours. Man, the things that I would shut my mouth for but you can't help but to say them out loud! Pretty cool, I'd say. Keep it going, Ling. Stay true to yourself. 

Now, I gotta move on to your sis, Miss Chew Li Ping! Where is she? I demand her presence, right now. HA!

CLP, I think you're one cool chick. :)

Now, what to say to you, missy? Don't fret. I didn't forget you. I wouldn't do that. And I sure hope that you wouldn't either. Promise? :)

Though we hardly hang out one on one, that doesn't mean that we're not close buds right? Exactly. You see, I've always think of you as a confident person, someone that I'll always look up to. In case you didn't realize that, well it's time for you to know it. And play it to your advantage. 

I don't have to guess, but I sense a very bright future for you. Yes, keep doing what you know best and what you truly believe in, because one day, you'll achieve that big, glorious dream of yours. *Wink! And here's to us for being the successful people that we've always aim for. Fingers crossed, man.

And that's about it, for now. You guys know the drill right? Wherever we might end up in the coming years, never ever lose this friendship that we have. Cherish it babes! Of course I won't say goodbye like this! Here, I wrote you guys something. Are you kidding me? Of course, it's a poem, just for you guys!

PS: Cut me some slack, alright? I'm still a rookie in this. LOL

Two Perfect Packages

I ask Life for one thing,

Just one thing really

I ask for a perfect companion,

Someone who I'll never get tire of.

Life said one thing,

Just one thing really

Life said you will get weary,

For just one person won't suffice.

But,
 I can give you this, 

One and the same

Far from identical

Your perfect companions.

That's right!
You both are my 

My two perfect packages,

Identical to be called as one

But different as well.

I'm blessed to have you both,

Thank you, Life!

 

Till then, buddies! XOXO 

Q. You Made Being Annoying Cute. Not To Mention, Bearable.

Weeks from now, I'll be gone. No, I'm not seeing any afterlife beings beckoning me to follow them to some damned eternity, thank you very much. What I meant is that I'll be no longer calling Ipoh, Malaysia my current home anymore. That will be New Jersey, United States of America. 

So, I think a decent, parting post  is rather appropriate for my friends that I'll be leaving here. Why all this sudden sappy message, you ask? Well, they're for my besties, that's why! 

First up, the ever lovely Miss Q. Jien May. Yes, you funny girl. I'm talking to you. Sometimes, I do wonder how our fates got so intricately intertwined that neither distance nor change could extricate our sisterly bond. Not that I'm complaining. :)

I got you, dude.

So, wait. Crap, I ran out of words again. Oh. Okay, here it goes. 

Our misadventure around KL the other day? It was somewhat, an awesome one. In case, you ever forget about it. That was our one and only duo outing that I'll cherish. For a very long time. And I truly hope that you'll hold on to those memories too. In case, things (touch wood) won't work for us in the future. I know you might smack me for saying this out loud. Deep down, we must realize that the future brings the inevitable change and sometimes, change might not be pleasant. Just saying, okay? Don't be mad. ;)

I'll miss you, Q. 

Like you always say, we've been buddies since our primary school years. That's a pretty long time, I'd acknowledge. It doesn't matter we've not been besties from the beginning because look where we are right now. Exactly, best friends. And I'm counting on you to keep this exclusive relationship going on forever. 

I know what you'd think, why the hell must you be the one who should carry the sole burden right? *Sigh. Because I don't trust myself enough to do that. Hell, I might change. And I'm scared that years from now, I might not reciprocate your feelings back. And you must NOT let that happen, ever! I'm counting on you man, don't give up on us! No matter how distance I'm acting on you guys. Judging by your relentless attitude, I know you can do it. LOL.

U and I, Forever.

Alright, enough with the heavy matter, I'm done with that. So, I presume we'll meet one last time this coming Monday. As usual, I can't wait. We'll have a blast, I'm sure! ;)

Till then Miss Q. Goodbye. I miss you already.

And, you'd think that would be it? HAHA! Here's something for you. It's not really Shakespearean, but it's something decent, nevertheless.

This Fragile Bond

 I wouldn't know it

if I weren't told

This fragile bond of ours

could withstand the test of time

I wouldn't imagine it

if I weren't here

This presence of yours

could be in my life forever

I would't expect it

if I weren't shown

This heart of mine

could be shared with you

My funny friend

let there be hope

for us both;

That  we'll stay as close

for the years 

to come

This time, I'm really saying goodbye. LOL

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rustyhead29's photostream on Flickr.

A long overdue photos from my trip around KL. Can't ask for a better partner in crime, Q.

Optimistic b***h, anyone?

I just got another email from my school. Again. In case you're wondering what they're all about, well, I can tell you this. They all just exude warmth, hope and big dreams. Just the things that I need in my life right now. 

Though all the grand words were probably just got churned out from an automated machine, sent to numerous hopeful, newbies like me. Deep down, it works. Works getting me out from my overdue slumber. Man, I think I'm ready for some action 'cause let's face it. This summer break just seems too long. A girl gotta do something, y'all.

So, I'm ecstatic for school. And you would think that after spending centuries, slogging under the mercy of the grand educational system, I would had enough. Well, the jury is still out on that.

Funny how school used to be like a torture system for me. Yet, going to school did became the reason I got up every morning for centuries. The same reason bloody examination became the drive for me to face the mountain of books on the table. Deadly annoying they may be, let's face it. Without them, our lives would be a total bore, meaningless as the field of hell. Yes, without them we would be all play. But, can we get anything in life by playing all day,? Heavenly as that prospect may seem, I personally don't think we can stand that. Not in the long run. 

But, for now, I can't think of anything negative about starting school again. Why? Simply because I got nothing else better to do. So, why not? It could be fun. For now. Maybe fun would not be the adjective I would opt to describe my college life in the midst of all the chaos, months from now. But, who cares? It's the living through it that counts, right? I got through some terrible, dark educational periods. I can face them again, right? YES!!!!!! I can do this! Bring it on, universe!

See, I'm doing it again. I'm being this annoying, chirpy, bitch again. Let's see how long this optimism can last. Probably as long as the emails keep coming. Damn. 

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

Obviously, I've been a no-show for ages. Pardon me for that. Apparently,both my mind and typing fingers got numb.

Anyway, I just got this sudden itch to burst this damn lazy bubble that I've been stuck in. Starting from updating myself of what's going on with my life nowadays. Oh yes, my head must be constantly updated. Rustyhead, anyone?

On the front line, I've got all my travel documents sorted out. Thank God for that. So, with that all set, I'm just hanging around to wait for my departure to the States. In weeks time. Great.  

You see, I'm just not ready for it. Leaving Malaysia, my family, my friends and my dog. Because I don't think I'll be back for years. 3 if you want to be specific. Yeah, you can say that travelling is cheap nowadays and I can opt to come back whenever I please. Trust me, it won't be. Mainly because I don't have much greens to boot. :(

Once I'm gone, I'll be leaving so much more than the people I love. That, I can handle after a few weeks of homesickness. But, that aspect is the least of my concern. What's breaking my heart is that I'll miss all the precious memories and priceless moments. Those of my loved ones without me in them. And no way, I can share those moments with them in the future because it will always be: "Hey, remember that time when you're abroad?" Shucks, I'd say. 

Anyway, I just hope that all the things that I'll be missing are worth it. Because if they're not, God only knows who I'll shoot the daggers at. Angst aside, I'm feeling quite optimistic that this coming journey will be something that'll change my life forever. Heck, I even got constant dreams about them. More importantly, it'll be the fuel that could aid me in my escapade from all the hum drum in my life right now. *Sigh.

Anyway. There's a pretty long journey ahead of me. Here's to my feet. You guys better don't fail me now. 

World War 3 (My Household Version)

Jalan Bahagia, Happy Garden. Yup, that's where I live. My quirky address does come with it's fair share of inside jokes (Rumah Bahagia, anyone?) and sarcastic remarks. Heck, I even think that it's perfectly ironic considering my state of household nowadays. Anyway.

If you think that my household is the quintessential perfect family, think again. Because it's not. Partly because there are numerous landmines hidden around the perimeter. Just waiting to get erupted. Sometimes, we can guess where the sensitive regions are, but we just can't avoid them, it seems. For the sake of some adrenalin rush, perhaps?

Today's explosion comes with its own drama. Once again, everything just blew up without warning. And the culprit? Only the perfectly harmless remote control. I dub it as the "pirate's loot" because apparently once one of us get a hold on it, it will take both courage and a wicked mind to take it back from him/her. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Try to make a grab of it, then all hell will break loose. Sigh. The drama nowadays.

Speaking about the perfect family, is there really one out there? And what really characterize a flawless household? One without major fights, perhaps? But, once I start to ponder on the inevitable family clash that many of us have to deal with, I can't help but to notice that without all the fist fight and verbal tussle, life will be painfully dull. Don't you think?

I also read from somewhere that we tend to fight more with our loved ones for a reason. Because we know they love us and it's easier to show our feelings towards them without apprehension. Because we know once all the fighting demons are gone, love will take over and bring us closer.

Too bad the realization can't stop us from making the same mistake all over again. Because let's face it. Sometimes arguing instead of agreeing is so much more fun. And that is what makes living with our family members both heaven and hell on earth.

To my family. I still love you.

I Certainly Got What I Deserve.

I blamed a good friend of mine for the state of my life right now. Before you start chastising her for ruining my life, I should perhaps clarify that she'd inspired me to achieve my dream. Indirectly, of course. 

You see, I have always dreamed of going to the States. And for a long time, that dream had always stayed as one. Never in a million years I would imagine that one day, I'll have the chance to step my foot on the Land of Opportunity. Well, not before I got my big paycheck anyway. 

So, you can't blame me for getting excited when I watched *Sam gritting her teeth and pushing all odds to materialize her vision of continuing her tertiary studies in America. "If I can do it, then so can you." Her words of wisdom, I presume. Unfortunately, my parents begged to differ. It seems that there were tons of factor that did not work in favor for me to follow *Sam. Still perceiving me as their vulnerable, little girl would be the number one issue. I mean, come one! Are they failing to notice me as a full-grown woman? What if I'm still not filling up my brassiere? At least, I own one.

Anyway, I'm crushed.  While I was still stuck in the pit of my misery, I came to a conclusion that life is certainly not like a movie.  My life, that is. If it is, I'll have the guts to do my own thing and prove my parents wrong. I'll sealed my world from others' doubts and just listen to my instinct. In a movie, I'll make it to the States and have the last laugh. So, no big dreams for me because apparently I'm too chicken to make them come true.

In the end, I waved goodbye to *Sam and watched her fly. I shed a few tears and soldiered on for a new day, a new week. Just waiting for something exciting to happen to me, when *BAM! I got one!  What do you think it was? Only to score the exclusive and highly sought after PSD scholarship! When I said that I thought I would not get it, I'm seriously not kidding.  For Boo's sake, I totally botched the interview! At least I thought so. I mean making an impression as a handicapped person to the interviewers can't be a good thing right? Note to self, wearing glasses does not count as one.

And here's another sweet twist in my life. When getting a full scholarship is not enough, I got to further my studies in, get this, America! For a second, I thought my life couldn't get any better. For a second, all right. Turned out my sweet dream of pursuing the great education in the States is not free from it's own set of turbulence. Free advice? Never take college life as easy. Because it's not.

And so, there you have it. My dream of going to the States is on the verge of becoming true. In a month, I'll  change my status of current location from Ipoh, Malaysia to New Jersey, America.Call it karma, but I certainly got what I deserve. I guess the gods are really listening.

Cheers everyone! 

I'm Here, World.

A fresh start, that's what one should get when his life seems to be in a rut. 

The question is, do we have the balls to do it? Not many, mind you. 

Take me for example. I'm just weeks away to hit the big 20, and my life already seems like a mindless chore. For someone who's about to be a full-fledged adult, shouldn't life be a little more interesting? Where's the wild partying, fun drugs and exotic travelling? Where's the great, life-changing education experience? And, where the hell is my passionate, spine-tingling, hormone-induced romance? Yes, my track record with the fellow XY Homo sapiens is not that impressive, but shouldn't I get another shot? Anyway, I'm digressing on that. 

So, my life seems to be a bit on the dull side, and am I doing anything to change it for the better? Honestly, not much. Why? I don't know. But, I suspect it has to do with my long-held belief that my life is going to change by itself, through some weird karma mechanisms. In another word, I don't have the courage to change my life the way I wanted. Oh well.

There you have it. A first glance on my dull, but happy life. Though I'm not taking any drastic steps to make it more interesting, I sense something in the horizon that could do it instead. I sense something, alright. 

Ciao for now, everyone.