This Morbid Thought Of Mine

Truth to be told, my mind and I do not get along very well. Because most of the times, General Mind loves to put unpleasant thoughts into my head, causing me to waste precious energy to fend off those pesky thoughts. Mind you, the action itself will usually intensify the presence of the morbid notions that I much rather forget about. 

As times goes by, I got better in warding off General Mind's sneaky attacks. Happy thoughts, clever distractions, these two have always worked. But, I am simply human. Sometimes, I just can't help but to entertain them. Now, I know better than to leave myself alone for a long period of time. And God forbid, if I ever catch myself watching another Final Destination movie, I would smack my head, hard.

Today, it happened again. I was caught off guard, when my mind wandered off into its uncharted territories yet again. By the time the thought took over, I was helpless but to ponder on it. Fast as a lightning, it got me thinking and here I am, writing about it.

If I Die Young
(Sing it, Band Of Perry) Wait. (I prefer you, Sam Tsui.)

If I die young, I would be one pissed ghost. Angry because I was robbed a chance to live longer. Regretful because I've not given time to fulfill more wishes of mine. Heartbroken because I've to go early before my loved ones, leaving them mourning for me. Yes, the degree of devastation that my early death could incur is too great that the thought itself is deemed unthinkable, much less unspeakable. Wait. Actually, I snickered a bit when I wrote this because I couldn't imagine myself as a ghost in the first place. Would I be an ugly one? That probably depends on the state of my corpse, I guess. Yo, what the hell am I thinking right now? 

*Automated machine: Please kindly retract those unmindful words of yours, unless you want to be lightning-struck in the next 23 hours. Thank you.*

Okay, fine! I will! Universe, I simply don't have the complete mind control, you know.

But, really, what would we look like after we're no longer, well, HUMAN. By definition we could not possibly look like a human, right? Ignoring both heaven and hell, I'm just going to focus on the concept of afterlife, and all the technicalities involved. Once again, the big question is, how will we look after we've become an afterlife beings? While it's obviously a question without an answer, there's no stopping me to come up with some constructive inputs, right?

I've read enough fiction novels to ponder on the idea of being recognized in the afterlife by our soul mate, loved ones and acquaintances from our previous lives. For those of the lucky people who pass on at the same state of life, good for you. But not many are that privileged. If one entity passed on at 30, how would he be able to find his partner who gone off at 60? Certainly, you wouldn't want to wait for ages to meet your mate, just to find him, wrinkled with age right? Not an option when you're at your prime age. Yes, not an option..........*Crap. My mind wanders off again.

Anyway, I could only remember until this. *Sigh. I'm just wasting my brain cells' energy at it, just to arrive at blank point. Tragic, but that's how my silly mind works.

My Not-So-Virgin Hair

I've finally done the deed. I've given my hair what it deserves after a pretty long drought of styling and all the chemical tortures that entail. Yup, another chemical process that was both so expected as well so sudden. People, I got my FIRST HAIR DYE!!! *giggle

See, I was pretty adamant that I should totally dye my hair prior leaving to the States. Call me whatever you want, but I crave for a fresh start, a new beginning to my college experience and I believe that a new hair job would totally fit the role. So true. At least, me think so. 

The outing with Miss Q began as usual with lunch at Crazy Ice Cream. Yes, CIC sells other stuff as well. So, we got our tummies totally stuffed with our Chicken Chop Set Lunch. She got Black Pepper and I got Brown. Yes, Brown. I thought it comes with a mushroom sauce but, it really doesn't taste like one. Come to think of it, I'm still uncertain what I ate actually. But, am I complaining? Totally unnecessary, considering it was pretty tasty. After lunch, we got back to the mall. I was supposed to assist, no persuade her to get her heels and sunnies, but I failed. Sorry again, eh?  And the highest point of the day came with a visit to THE salon. 

I was merely asking for the price for my hair job, you know doing comparison among all the competitors around the mall. When this persistent Ah Moi got me attracted to her offer. Yes, her service fee was quite reasonable but it was her rather aggressive approach that got me unable to say no. "You do it right now, or else I got no discount for you later. " I argued, "A few hours later?" "No way."

So, I did it. I accepted her offer. Mind you, it was pretty hard to decline her offer, considering she gave me nil option. Nada!

But, I was satisfied. I mean, thanks to her, I could finally execute my long overdue plan and subsequently, I could ticked off another task in my to-do list. *sigh. Therefore, today's outing was a pretty successful one. I got to meet Miss Q one, last time. I could also worry less about the discreetly declining chores of mine. 

Here's to more trips to the mall. Oh yes, my seventh sense go rather tingly nowadays. Hurrah on that. 

PS. While I realized that the change is not that obvious, I would like to clarify that it was my intention to make it that way. I think a rather subtle change of hair color is the best plan for now. Little by little, everyone! 

Ling & Ping. Magical Twins Effect You Guys Cast On Me.

Double Trouble. That is certainly NOT what I got from you guys. More like Double Happiness, I'd say. LOL.

So, you think only Miss Q could get all the love from me? No worries, for I got loads of L.O.V.E. to share with both of you. My heart is that big! hehe.

You're my best buddies too, you know. And I'm privileged enough for that. 

The Fab Five

Granted, we might not had a close relationship together during our primary school years. Man, I always thought that you two are some power twins or something. Nice to see, but don't touch. HAHA! Sorry, some joke I got there. :) 

But, you still can't deny it right? If not for secondary school, we would never be best pals. And I still thank my lucky star for that once in a lifetime chance. Man, what in the world would I do without you guys? *Sigh. Anyway, I just want to say this. I love you guys. I can't say this often because as you know, this blush-inducing, ego-offending L word is hard for me to say out loud. Alright, I'm shy with all this mushy words around you twins! *cringe.

As long as you guys understand and know that I heart you guys, very much, then that would suffice. In return, you don't have to say it out loud too (I'm talking to you, Ling!). Because, I can guess that there's plenty of love between us too. Wait, I guess correctly, right? Right? Anyway, I guess I should write on each of you one at a time. Kay. Here it goes. 

Ling, stay cool and cute, as always.

Chew Li Ling, my one of a kind class partner. Both in school and tuition (Still remember EA?). You. How long have I been sitting next to you, again? Man, I've never got bored of you, you know? Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better person to vent and listen to, every single school day. Thanks to you (I'm serious here), I've become a great listener. I'll do it all over again, if I could. Thanks again for making my school experience an interesting one. Hope I did the same to you too, dude ;)

I think the reason we clicked pretty well is because deep down, we're somewhat similar. Sudden whiplash of emo feelings? Check. Over-the-top laughter? Check. Penchant for profanity expressions? Check. Haha. Those are what I could think of right now. Oh wait! I got another one! Sarcasm! Loads of it! Check. And I love you for that, man. Really. Don't ever change who you are, because you're pretty amazing, just the way you are. I'm doing a Bruno Mars. LOL. Alright? 

Lastly, if there's one thing that I truly envy you for is that brash, say-what-it-is attitude of yours. Man, the things that I would shut my mouth for but you can't help but to say them out loud! Pretty cool, I'd say. Keep it going, Ling. Stay true to yourself. 

Now, I gotta move on to your sis, Miss Chew Li Ping! Where is she? I demand her presence, right now. HA!

CLP, I think you're one cool chick. :)

Now, what to say to you, missy? Don't fret. I didn't forget you. I wouldn't do that. And I sure hope that you wouldn't either. Promise? :)

Though we hardly hang out one on one, that doesn't mean that we're not close buds right? Exactly. You see, I've always think of you as a confident person, someone that I'll always look up to. In case you didn't realize that, well it's time for you to know it. And play it to your advantage. 

I don't have to guess, but I sense a very bright future for you. Yes, keep doing what you know best and what you truly believe in, because one day, you'll achieve that big, glorious dream of yours. *Wink! And here's to us for being the successful people that we've always aim for. Fingers crossed, man.

And that's about it, for now. You guys know the drill right? Wherever we might end up in the coming years, never ever lose this friendship that we have. Cherish it babes! Of course I won't say goodbye like this! Here, I wrote you guys something. Are you kidding me? Of course, it's a poem, just for you guys!

PS: Cut me some slack, alright? I'm still a rookie in this. LOL

Two Perfect Packages

I ask Life for one thing,

Just one thing really

I ask for a perfect companion,

Someone who I'll never get tire of.

Life said one thing,

Just one thing really

Life said you will get weary,

For just one person won't suffice.

But,
 I can give you this, 

One and the same

Far from identical

Your perfect companions.

That's right!
You both are my 

My two perfect packages,

Identical to be called as one

But different as well.

I'm blessed to have you both,

Thank you, Life!

 

Till then, buddies! XOXO 

Q. You Made Being Annoying Cute. Not To Mention, Bearable.

Weeks from now, I'll be gone. No, I'm not seeing any afterlife beings beckoning me to follow them to some damned eternity, thank you very much. What I meant is that I'll be no longer calling Ipoh, Malaysia my current home anymore. That will be New Jersey, United States of America. 

So, I think a decent, parting post  is rather appropriate for my friends that I'll be leaving here. Why all this sudden sappy message, you ask? Well, they're for my besties, that's why! 

First up, the ever lovely Miss Q. Jien May. Yes, you funny girl. I'm talking to you. Sometimes, I do wonder how our fates got so intricately intertwined that neither distance nor change could extricate our sisterly bond. Not that I'm complaining. :)

I got you, dude.

So, wait. Crap, I ran out of words again. Oh. Okay, here it goes. 

Our misadventure around KL the other day? It was somewhat, an awesome one. In case, you ever forget about it. That was our one and only duo outing that I'll cherish. For a very long time. And I truly hope that you'll hold on to those memories too. In case, things (touch wood) won't work for us in the future. I know you might smack me for saying this out loud. Deep down, we must realize that the future brings the inevitable change and sometimes, change might not be pleasant. Just saying, okay? Don't be mad. ;)

I'll miss you, Q. 

Like you always say, we've been buddies since our primary school years. That's a pretty long time, I'd acknowledge. It doesn't matter we've not been besties from the beginning because look where we are right now. Exactly, best friends. And I'm counting on you to keep this exclusive relationship going on forever. 

I know what you'd think, why the hell must you be the one who should carry the sole burden right? *Sigh. Because I don't trust myself enough to do that. Hell, I might change. And I'm scared that years from now, I might not reciprocate your feelings back. And you must NOT let that happen, ever! I'm counting on you man, don't give up on us! No matter how distance I'm acting on you guys. Judging by your relentless attitude, I know you can do it. LOL.

U and I, Forever.

Alright, enough with the heavy matter, I'm done with that. So, I presume we'll meet one last time this coming Monday. As usual, I can't wait. We'll have a blast, I'm sure! ;)

Till then Miss Q. Goodbye. I miss you already.

And, you'd think that would be it? HAHA! Here's something for you. It's not really Shakespearean, but it's something decent, nevertheless.

This Fragile Bond

 I wouldn't know it

if I weren't told

This fragile bond of ours

could withstand the test of time

I wouldn't imagine it

if I weren't here

This presence of yours

could be in my life forever

I would't expect it

if I weren't shown

This heart of mine

could be shared with you

My funny friend

let there be hope

for us both;

That  we'll stay as close

for the years 

to come

This time, I'm really saying goodbye. LOL

rustyhead29's photostream

rustyhead29's photostream on Flickr.

A long overdue photos from my trip around KL. Can't ask for a better partner in crime, Q.

Optimistic b***h, anyone?

I just got another email from my school. Again. In case you're wondering what they're all about, well, I can tell you this. They all just exude warmth, hope and big dreams. Just the things that I need in my life right now. 

Though all the grand words were probably just got churned out from an automated machine, sent to numerous hopeful, newbies like me. Deep down, it works. Works getting me out from my overdue slumber. Man, I think I'm ready for some action 'cause let's face it. This summer break just seems too long. A girl gotta do something, y'all.

So, I'm ecstatic for school. And you would think that after spending centuries, slogging under the mercy of the grand educational system, I would had enough. Well, the jury is still out on that.

Funny how school used to be like a torture system for me. Yet, going to school did became the reason I got up every morning for centuries. The same reason bloody examination became the drive for me to face the mountain of books on the table. Deadly annoying they may be, let's face it. Without them, our lives would be a total bore, meaningless as the field of hell. Yes, without them we would be all play. But, can we get anything in life by playing all day,? Heavenly as that prospect may seem, I personally don't think we can stand that. Not in the long run. 

But, for now, I can't think of anything negative about starting school again. Why? Simply because I got nothing else better to do. So, why not? It could be fun. For now. Maybe fun would not be the adjective I would opt to describe my college life in the midst of all the chaos, months from now. But, who cares? It's the living through it that counts, right? I got through some terrible, dark educational periods. I can face them again, right? YES!!!!!! I can do this! Bring it on, universe!

See, I'm doing it again. I'm being this annoying, chirpy, bitch again. Let's see how long this optimism can last. Probably as long as the emails keep coming. Damn. 

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

Obviously, I've been a no-show for ages. Pardon me for that. Apparently,both my mind and typing fingers got numb.

Anyway, I just got this sudden itch to burst this damn lazy bubble that I've been stuck in. Starting from updating myself of what's going on with my life nowadays. Oh yes, my head must be constantly updated. Rustyhead, anyone?

On the front line, I've got all my travel documents sorted out. Thank God for that. So, with that all set, I'm just hanging around to wait for my departure to the States. In weeks time. Great.  

You see, I'm just not ready for it. Leaving Malaysia, my family, my friends and my dog. Because I don't think I'll be back for years. 3 if you want to be specific. Yeah, you can say that travelling is cheap nowadays and I can opt to come back whenever I please. Trust me, it won't be. Mainly because I don't have much greens to boot. :(

Once I'm gone, I'll be leaving so much more than the people I love. That, I can handle after a few weeks of homesickness. But, that aspect is the least of my concern. What's breaking my heart is that I'll miss all the precious memories and priceless moments. Those of my loved ones without me in them. And no way, I can share those moments with them in the future because it will always be: "Hey, remember that time when you're abroad?" Shucks, I'd say. 

Anyway, I just hope that all the things that I'll be missing are worth it. Because if they're not, God only knows who I'll shoot the daggers at. Angst aside, I'm feeling quite optimistic that this coming journey will be something that'll change my life forever. Heck, I even got constant dreams about them. More importantly, it'll be the fuel that could aid me in my escapade from all the hum drum in my life right now. *Sigh.

Anyway. There's a pretty long journey ahead of me. Here's to my feet. You guys better don't fail me now.